School is getting boring. And the Tension is very high cuz National C division is in like 2 weeks time and I can't help sweating about it and I'm sweating now as I type and I don't know why...

I feel very confused and belittled...

Now I have 5 mins to type what I have got so I'll do it quick before my father comes in and chases me with erm..some inventory and stuff...

I need to help my partner help me but we are both very stressed about the competition and in a running contest today I lost to some weird Indian guy who runs like the wind...And everyone has so high expectations on me and I'm so pressurized. Now Kayaking C Div must sustain the championship and I only have a few more weeks to synchronize with my partner instead of always being defeated by Eman and his partner in their supersonic T2..Ours is always 2nd or 3rd And they're in our event somemore...Sianz...I'm so scared.

Then if I don't win the ppl who like me will be disappointed and the ppl who hate me will rejoice and hate me even more. Nvm..like I said I'm used to everyone being the way they are to me and life is always unfair especially to an average individual like me...But then I reflect about my life and compare it to the less fortunate in Africa and I India and in other places on Earth and tell myself even if the whole and people around me loath me, I am 100x more well off the those poor roadside children.

I admit that I am a self-centred, egotistical, and as what my friend said which I felt wad very mean..I shan't mention their names, So mean...Though I noe they don't mean it on purpose. Some ppl are plain weird in the way they talk.

Now I think about my life. Sometimes I feel that I'm the problem becuz everyone else is the problem or vice versa. I'm trying to change but others see change as bad...Why is everyone so different. I dont get it. My form tutor says I'm being taking advantage over and I'm too kind... I help others but others backstab. I try to make things ez but things complicate themselves. I wish I could have a simpler life. I forgot all the other trivial matters I initially wanted to bring up. Mayb I'll make this blog private soon. I'd go for training more often...Wasted my 2x exp..Sianz...

I'm so confused, have always been neglected by the way ppl see, have found good frenz who are either really playful, really weird or really enigmatic.

I'm so confused, have never once been not, and will never not be lest thou sought a miracle. En soothe I know not why I am so sad... ...